Building Relationships Through Conversation: Insights from Martin Clement

If you have ever felt truly awkward talking to strangers during a meeting or an interview, you were probably focusing too much on the conversation, and not enough on the person. That is a problem Martin Clement is very familiar with : how do get the best of a conversation while talking to clients and partners? As it turns out: the solution is easier and harder than you would think. It is all about making a connection. But here is the catch: you must make a genuine connection.

I remember when I first started my beer podcast and struggled to attract advertisers. I’d pitch my ideas minutes after meeting them, focusing solely on the benefits for them. Over time, I realized that successful relationships are built on trust and mutual understanding, not just sales. « First, you need to build trust, and you do this by offering help to people. It is really just as simple as that ». I should have known, this is what my friend Jeremy, co-owner of the Uber Flix Studio with me, has been telling me for years. And it is the one key message Martin has hammered down on his 90 agents over the years.

« Here is one little trick that has completely changed the way I do business. Every day in the morning, I call three clients and I try to give them something useful. Sometimes it is just a link to a new house they may be interested in, sometimes it is an introduction to a provider they might need, or sometimes it is just to catch up on recent events. But I always try to give them value ».

This touches on an important point for you sales agents and anyone looking to network: what is the value you bring? Often that is not just a one-sided equation. Rather, it is what others need. And you have to pay extra attention to read between the lines and understand what is truly important to them.

Where do We Start?

While there are specific techniques to master, like active listening, being present, and answering honestly, the core of effective communication lies in building rapport. Martin and I often discuss this on our podcast, analyzing our conversations to identify what works and what doesn’t.

Here is a breakdown of our conversation for those of you who want to start a podcast for your business.

1. Start With Why

Simon Sinek is a renowned author, motivational speaker, and leadership consultant. He is best known for his popular TED Talk, « Start with Why,«  which has garnered millions of views. In this talk, Sinek introduces the Golden Circle framework, a model that explains how truly inspiring leaders inspire others by starting with the « why » behind their actions. Sinek’s work has had a significant impact on leadership, business, and communication, and his insights continue to resonate with audiences worldwide.

Simon Sinek would likely argue that a great elevator pitch, like any effective communication, should start with the « why. »

According to his Golden Circle framework, the most powerful communication starts with the core purpose, belief, or cause that drives a person or organization. This « why » is the underlying motivation that inspires others and creates a connection.

In the context of an elevator pitch, Sinek would suggest that the focus should be on articulating the problem your solution solves or the value you bring to the listener. This « why » should be the central message of your pitch, rather than simply listing features or benefits.

Here’s how Sinek might approach an elevator pitch:

• Start with the problem: Clearly state the pain point or challenge that your product or service addresses.
• Explain your solution: Briefly describe how your solution solves the problem in a unique and compelling way.
• Highlight the benefits: Emphasize the positive outcomes or value that your solution provides.
• Connect with the listener: Show how your solution resonates with the listener’s needs or desires.

By focusing on the « why » behind your elevator pitch, you can create a more engaging and memorable introduction that resonates with your audience on a deeper level.

2. Small Talk Is Important Too. Don’t Underestimate It

While some may dismiss small talk as superficial, it serves a crucial purpose. It establishes a baseline for the relationship and signals that you’re interested in the other person. Conversations aren’t just about information exchange; they’re about connection. As Mastroianni puts it, « We use our words to show we care and are listening. »

• Start with the basics: Questions like « How was your day? » or « How was your meal? » can help break the ice and create a comfortable atmosphere.
• Show genuine interest: Listen actively and respond thoughtfully to their answers.
• Build on the conversation: Use small talk as a springboard to more meaningful topics.

3. Put Your Phone Away…And Make Sure They See It

Constantly checking your phone during a conversation is rude and dismissive. It signals that the other person is not your top priority. Research shows that phone use during conversations can lead to distraction, reduced enjoyment, and even misinterpretations.

• Be present: Give the other person your undivided attention.
• Make eye contact: Show that you’re engaged and interested in what they have to say.
• Avoid distractions: Stash your phone away to minimize interruptions.

4. Go with the Flow and Keep an Open Mind

Conversations should be organic and dynamic. Be willing to adapt to the conversation’s direction and explore unexpected avenues. Embrace the spontaneity and enjoy the journey.

• Be flexible: Don’t be afraid to deviate from your planned topics.
• Humor others: Show a willingness to laugh and have fun.
• Embrace the unexpected: Be open to new ideas and perspectives.

5. Stop Worrying About How You’re Being Perceived

People often underestimate how much others like them. This « liking gap » can lead to self-doubt and hinder genuine connections. Focus on being authentic and present rather than constantly seeking validation.

• Be yourself: Don’t try to be someone you’re not.
• Focus on the connection: Prioritize building a relationship over impressing others.
• Don’t take things personally: If a conversation doesn’t go as planned, remember that it’s often not about you.

6. Keep the Conversation Going with Open-Ended Questions

Asking questions shows that you’re interested and engaged. Follow-up questions can help deepen the conversation and demonstrate your listening skills.

• Ask thoughtful questions: Avoid yes/no questions and encourage elaboration.
• Show genuine curiosity: Ask questions that demonstrate your interest in the other person’s thoughts and experiences.
• Follow up: Use follow-up questions to explore topics in more depth.

7. Give the Person a Path Through the Conversation

Provide clear cues and signposts to guide the conversation. This helps the other person feel more comfortable and engaged.

• Offer suggestions: Suggest topics or questions to keep the conversation flowing.
• Summarize key points: Recap important moments to ensure understanding.
• Transition smoothly: Use phrases like « That’s a great point. Let’s talk more about… » to move from one topic to another.

Remember: Effective communication is a skill that can be developed over time. By practicing these tips and being mindful of your interactions, you can improve your ability to connect with others and build stronger relationships.

8. The Elevator Pitch: Better than a Business Card, Useful in All Circumstances

Many times, you will meet someone genuinely interested in what you are doing—maybe a sharpshooter or a potential partner who is very intrigued. This is a key moment in the conversation, and you don’t want to waste it on doubt or uncertainty. It’s a great time to show confidence and showcase all the work you have been doing.

But the pressure to impress often sadly leads to a firehose of facts and ideas without a clear structure. Only someone with infinite patience would take the time to hear a very long explanation of your full resume. And remember, if you meet someone enjoying a drink at a cocktail party, they probably don’t want to hear another business proposal. Help them relax and give them the summary. Give them a summary of the summary. Give them one line of that summary. Call it the Elevator Pitch.

An elevator pitch is a brief, impactful statement that introduces you and your ideas. It’s a valuable tool for networking, job interviews, and other professional settings.

Now, you can make an effective elevator pitch, and you can make a memorable elevator pitch.

A well-crafted elevator pitch should be concise, impactful, and tailored to your audience. Keep it brief, aiming for 30 seconds to 1 minute. Clearly articulate your unique value proposition, highlighting what sets you apart from others. Practice your pitch regularly to build confidence and deliver it effectively. Remember to adapt your message to the specific context and needs of your listener, and conclude with a strong call to action that encourages them to take the next step.

https://youtu.be/WDgW0W3qkn0

 

Some advice from well-known thinkers:

1. « Seek first to understand, then to be understood. » – Stephen Covey Focus on listening and truly understanding the other person’s needs before presenting your own ideas. This builds trust and rapport.
2. « Your network is your net worth. » – Porter Gale Invest time in building and nurturing your relationships. The value of your network can directly impact your success.
3. « People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. » – Theodore Roosevelt Show genuine interest in others’ concerns and problems. This makes you more relatable and trustworthy.
4. « The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. » – Ralph Nichols Practice active listening and acknowledge the other person’s thoughts and feelings. This fosters meaningful connections.
5. « It’s not about having the right opportunities. It’s about handling the opportunities right. » – Mark Hunter Be prepared to seize the moment in conversations. Understand when to listen, when to speak, and when to close.
6. « He who has a why can endure any how. » – Friedrich Nietzsche Clarify your purpose and values in conversations. When you have a clear “why,” your message resonates more deeply.
7. « Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value. » – Albert Einstein Approach conversations with the intention of offering value. Focus on how you can help or contribute rather than just selling.
8. « Success in business is all about people, people, people. » – Richard Branson Build relationships by connecting on a personal level. People are more likely to do business with those they know, like, and trust.
9. « Quality is remembered long after the price is forgotten. » – Gucci Family Slogan Emphasize quality and the long-term benefits of your product or service in conversations. This builds lasting relationships.
10. « Know your audience and speak their language. » – Dale Carnegie Tailor your communication style to your audience. Understanding their needs, preferences, and concerns can lead to more successful interactions.

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